


We Will Be Okay

by MsMinervaQueen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Remus Lupin, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Male Character, High School, Intense, M/M, Marauders, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Muggle London, Slow Burn, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-20 06:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMinervaQueen/pseuds/MsMinervaQueen
Summary: Ummm.... Summary.From Remus' pov, but in a muggle high school. Remus tries to confront his past and move on, but mostly through a series of bad decisions.Wolfstar, Darlene and Jilly.I don't support J.K Rowling's transphobia. If you do please leave.These characters don't belong to me (but I'm waiting, Marlene),and I'm not trying to claim them.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Party plans and change

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Warnings  
> I don't know much about the fostering system, there's not much detail ', and some parts are unlikely but necessary to the plot, still, don' t put yourself through anything that makes you uncomfortable.  
> Neglect   
> Mental health also is a strong theme throughout this fic so please go into this warily - look after yourself before anything else. 
> 
> All feedback really appreciated!

Prongs: party at mine, saturday  
Padfoot: if im allowed out :(  
Peter: yes! Can’t wait  
Marls: need a break from schoolwork, im in  
Dorcas: Seeing as Marls always gets me to do her makeup… I’d better come  
Mary: I’m not cleaning your parents house at 1 this time  
Prongs: That was just the once, Mary. and its not our fault you’re responsible.  
Mary: Someone needs to be  
Lily: Remus, r u coming?  
Moony: maybe

Remus didn’t know if he could. He was so tired all the time these days, barely had the energy to get up in the morning - hardly to go to a party. He knew he would end up there, though. James was so persuasive, or the idea of being the only one at home, watching Netflix alone in his bedroom was too much.

He leant back against his headboard, shoving the book he was annotating off his lap and closing his eyes so the music playing in his ears had his full attention. Remus was in no way a specialist when it came to music. Sometimes he listened to whatever Sirius recommended, or binged an album or artist he’d found. At the moment it was The Neighbourhood, pounding through his old headphones.

‘Daddy Issues’. He knew Sirius loved that song, said it spoke for all pain his parents had inflicted on him. Remus would always just nod placidly. What he didn’t say was that he wished that he had ‘daddy issues’. But you needed a ‘daddy’ for that.

Remus dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He would be moving back in with Poppy tomorrow. He knew it would be for the best, but it still felt like it was wrong. This had been their last chance together, and they had blown it.

Remus knew, deep down, that it wasn’t either of their faults. Hope Lupin was broken. She had been for a long time and probably always would be. And Remus Lupin needed someone whole. He needed someone to rely on and she could never be that. Maybe it was that Remus blamed her, or maybe it was just that neither of them had healed, and being together just made their wounds worse.

All the same, Remus felt like he had failed. That was why he hadn’t told Sirius or James. That, and he suspected Sirius would be jealous. Not of everything that had happened to Remus - the details of the crash, the years before Sirius had met him - but the parts he told them. 

Remus tried to shut off his thoughts. This was something he had been doing for a long time; blasting music and feeling nothing. Therapists would call this denial; Remus would call this survival.

Remus picked his book back up and made a half-hearted attempt at annotating it. He didn’t even know what book it was; just ran his highlighter along interesting phrases and quotes. His grades had been slipping ever since he’d moved back in with his mum, just before christmas.

His phone buzzed again, pulling him out of his trance.

Lily: Plz come, save me from James’ encase he tries to make any moves ;)  
Remus: maybe, I’ll see

Realistically, he didn’t have a choice. If both James and Lily wanted him there, he would have to go. 

Remus slipped off the bed and moved cautiously into the kitchen. The kitchen was also the dining room, living room, and the entrance, which was no mean feat for such a small room. There was a small table pushed against one wall, a fridge, oven and cupboard against the other, coats hung on the hook next to the door leading outside.

The fridge was the first sign that Hope wasn’t okay. They were empty, except from an out of date bag of rocket, three cracked eggs and multiple cans of cheap beer.

Less than four months ago, Hope had been clean, sober and moving onwards in life. Remus knew that he was the weight that had pulled her back down. You have an influence over others, but what they choose to do is not within your control. He’d had quotes like that thrown at him for as long as he could remember. All they did was remind him that he was a burden. Not that he needed reminding.

Maybe if Remus could find some money, then he could go out and buy food. The school provided his meals, so that wasn't much of an issue for him, but he still felt like he owed it to Hope to leave her with a full fridge, a small way in which he could help her move up again.

After hunting around for ten minutes, and only coming away with one pound, Remus realised this would be futile. It hurt him to admit it, but this wasn’t how he could help his mum.

Remus wrapped his arms around himself. Alone was the only time he could be vulnerable. He could be weak.The Sound of the key in the door broke Remus out of his trance, and he walked backed away into his bedroom. They hadn’t really spoken since it was decided that Remus should leave. He wasn’t sure if his mum was angry, sad, or just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. Most likely the former. Most likely the latter.

\---

“Have you considered replying?”

Remus sat beside Lily on the bus the following morning, keeping up a half-hearted conversation. He shrugged at her apologetically. Lily rolled her eyes, smiling slightly.

“I don’t want you to feel left out,” She added.

“Its me whos leaving myself out,”

“I know, and it's my role to ensure you have a social life.”

Remus kicked her gently with his foot, but Lily just smirked and pushed him gently back. Frank Longbottom, a friendly boy two years above, winked at Remus, causing his face to instantly flood with heat. That was the problem with girls. Most of the time he was alarmed by them and when he wasn’t, people made it impossibly awkward to get along with them.

The bus pulled to a stop, and Marlene and Dorcas got on, making their way down the aisle towards them. They each had a headphone in one of their ears, and mouthed the lyrics to each other every time they made eye contact. 

Remus always felt oddly intrusive watching Marlene and Dorcas. They were the closest out of all of the girls, possibly closer then James and Sirius. They always seemed so caught up in their own little bubble.

Dorcas flopped down in the seats across from Remus and Lily. Still dancing.

“Marls called me at one last night because she wanted me to listen to Lorde.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

Marlene leaned over Dorcas and spoke loudly. “Got to channel that teen angst somewhere.”

Lily snorted, “thought Conen Grey was for that.”

“He was last month’s.”

Dorcas shroved Marlene off her. “Trust me, Marls needs more then one artist if she wants to channel all that angst of hers.”

“Still moping over, Sirius?” Dorcas interjected, looking slightly shifty.

“Over James! Not that I want either.”

Lily gave Marlene an exaggerated wink.

“Shut up.”

The bus pulled to a stop again, and Sirius, James and Mary climbed on. Remus got up so James could sit next to Lily and ended up on the row of three with Mary and Sirius.

Mary put her hand in Sirius’ and they curled their fingers in the way couples did. Remus stared at it, slightly repulsed. He couldn’t stand public displays of attention, maybe it was because he’d never had love, and rejected the love that he did get, but he felt like it should be something kept secret, hidden away. 

The rest of the journey to school went by without event; James flirted with Lily, Marlene and Dorcas lip synced along to their music and Mary’s hand moved slowly up Sirius’ thigh.

Remus got off without talking to the others, heading straight for history, without looking back. He could feel his head spinning out of control and dug his nails into his palm to pull himself back to the present. What few bags he’d taken to Hope’s had been taken back to Poppy’s house, where he would go after school. Remus wondered what Poppy would think, she’d most likely be embarrassed for him; he couldn’t even keep a relationship with his own mother. Or maybe pity; no one would ever love him. Remus shook his head in an attempt to throw the thought off.

Unfortunately, Mary sat in the seat next to him for history. He had known her the longest, they’d transferred to the school at the same time and had stuck together straight away.

“You want to spill?” She said as she rummaged in her bag for her pencil case, pulling out tubes of lip gloss, tampons, coffee-stained notebooks and other objects that got lost in the depths of her bag.

“No.” Remus had given up on lying to her a long time ago. Best he just made it clear he wasn’t going to reveal anything until she got the hint. 

“Suit yourself. Party this weekend.”

Remus groaned. He had forgotten about that, but, then again, the parties were always worse in principle, so long as James and Sirius passed out before doing anything they would ultimately regret.

“Mhm.”

Mary twisted in her seat, so that Remus couldn’t avoid her stare. “Are we going to need a chip and Prejudice night?”

“No.”

Mary didn’t blink. If she wanted him to watch Pride and Prejudice with her while dipping chips in guacamole there was little Remus could do to avoid it. He really needed to be more assertive. 

“I honestly can’t tonight-”

“Me neither,” she raised her eyebrows at Remus. “I’ve got a date…”

“Oh.” Remus smiled awkwardly. “Ok.”

“So tomorrow.”

“Fine. But you’re supplying the guac.”  
\---

“Poppy?” 

Remus walked into the house, through into the kitchen of his foster mum.

As soon as he was in the room, Poppy threw her arms around him, enveloping him in a tight hug.

“I was just putting the kettle on, dear.” She smiled warmly at him. “Pass that tin, would you?”

Remus nodded and pulled the Scottish shortbread tin off the shelf, the one that was alway there; nothing had changed since he’d left and Remus was immensely relieved.

“How are you? Been looking after yourself?” Poppy gave him an appraising look, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes and his slim figure.

Remus shrugged. He wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say.

“Okay, well. I’ll let you get settled. Bags in your room.”

Remus took his tea up to his old bedroom. Despite saying that she would, Poppy hadn’t binned the photographs and posters stuck around his desk, or gotten rid of the books he hadn’t wanted to take to his mums. Remus kicked his foot gently against the bed. Everyone knew he would fail. 

He didn’t have much; clothes, a couple of books, his guitar. He slipped the books next to the ones on the shelf, wedged his clothes in the wardrobe and leant his instrument against the back of his bed. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out.

The girls and Rem

Lily: mutual decisions time  
Marlene: should we all dye our hair pink? YES  
Dorcas: should we all get matching nose rings? YES  
Lily: Haha nice try. Should we go to James’ party?  
Dorcas: He sort of only throws parties to impress you  
Mary: Your call, Lils  
Marlene: I’m only going if we all are  
Lily: We haven’t been to one in ages, so I would go if you were  
Dorcas: same  
Mary: Input, Rem? We need to change the group name to The Girls  
Remus: I guess I have to go, comfort james when Lily says no and all that  
Lily: haha. He’ll get over it

Remus shook his head and smiled slightly. His phone was now going off from other chats and he fell down onto his bed to reply to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos! My self-esteem relies a worrying amount on strangers on the Internet. <3


	2. Nachos and Mary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus mopes and hates everything...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot is coming! 
> 
> Content warning:  
> Racism is briefly hinted at
> 
> The songs mentioned are Perfect Places, Ribs and Liability all by Lorde, I would recommend listening to them before you read.

"I'm going to Mary's after school, is that okay?" Remus stood in Poppy's kitchen, school bag thrown over one shoulder and phone in the opposite hand, his fingers curling the headphone wires awkwardly round his fingers. 

"Off course. So long as you're remembering to treat her with respect," Poppy gave him a stern look, lifting her sleeve slightly so he could see the feminism symbol tattooed there."

Remus snorted. "Trust me, there's nothing going on." He paused in an uncomfortable silence. "She is sort of dating Sirius." He added, looking down at his battered school shoes. 

"Oh, I see. Do you mind?" 

"What, no. Mary's cool, but that's it." 

Poppy nodded, in that annoying knowing way adults did. Remus tilted his head towards the door and backed out of the kitchen, pressing 'play' on Spotify. 

He'd listened to that artist last night. Lorde. Her songs were good. Catchy. But some had stood out. Perfect Places,  _ because we're young and we're ashamed _ . Ribs,  _ I've never felt more alone, It feels so scary getting old _ . And Liability, that one really hurt. Remus had only listened to it once, which was unusual as he normally binged the songs he felt. But he couldn't listen to it again, that would give the lyrics time to nestle in his mind, rerun while he tried to sleep, and his subconscious would want to know  _ why _ the lyrics made him feel that way. 

Remus was way too tired for that. 

He had left early that day, so he could catch the bus at his regular stop to avoid Lily asking why he wasn't at his mum's, and it was still dark outside. Remus pulled the hood of his hoodie over his head and wedged his hands in his pockets. An old lady walking her dog shot him a look, and Remus had to fight the urge to kick the dog hard in its little stomach. 

The adults, the social workers and the therapists always said the same thing; don't let little negativities define your day, or your life or whatever, but it was all bullshit. Remus had heard every motivational quote there was and it hadn't exactly gotten him anywhere. 

Lily was reading from a list of words when Remus got on and slid in the seat beside her. A large French textbook opened on her lap, one hand scribbling notes and the other wrapped around a large coffee cup. 

"Shit, haven't revised at all for German." Remus muttered, looking over her shoulder. 

"You'll be fine, Rem." Lily murmured non committedly, her eyes never leaving the page. 

Remus didn't really care either way. Hogwarts could take away his scholarship, he supposed, but that was unlikely, as his past exam results were always high. 

He scrolled through his phone for the rest of the journey, but the connection was bad so he mostly stared at the screen, so no one would speak to him, music still blaring in his ears. 

\---

"She hates us. We mess around in  _ one  _ lesson-"

Remus watched Sirius from over his school dinner. James and Sirius had just had English and by the looks of things they had just gotten another detention. 

"I know!" James practically screamed. "McGonagall needs to loosen up." 

"And you need to stop acting like pricks." Lily slipped onto the seat opposite Remus, propping a sociology textbook open in front of her. 

James turned bright red. "Honestly, Lily, we didn't do anything." 

"Mhm." 

Sirius smirked at Remus, who smirked back, but mostly out of protocol. He always felt awkward looking at Sirius. Maybe it was because Remus liked girls, and felt guilty when he happened to noticed men looked good. And Sirius did look good. 

"Maybe it's time to take a hint, dear Prongs," Sirius threw a canteen chip at James. 

"Lily loves me, really. She's just playing hard to get." James replied casually, reaching into his packet of Pipers crisps to throw back across the table. 

"Believe what you like." Lily gave Remus a look he couldn't decipher. Possibly because he never had been, or would be, in her position. 

Mary, Marlene and Dorcas pulled up chairs around the table, Mary sitting unnecessary close to Sirius and placing her hand on his arm.  _ So much flirting.  _ Even Dorcas and Marlene, who hadn't been caught in this girlfriend and boyfriend frenzy, had each other so could have a moments peace from it all. Remus didn't. And it was fucking lonely. 

"Library." Before Lily could stop him, or interrogate him, Remus left the table, tossing his uneaten chips in the bin and leaving the room. 

If Remus could erase one thing from his life, and there were lots to choose from, it would be emotions. They made you want to scream and destroy things. He hated how everyone could see them, especially since his friends already knew way too much about his crappy life then he was okay with. 

He wandered down the empty corridors, heading in the complete opposite direction to the library. His phone buzzed but Remus ignored it, as it was most likely Lily or Mary asking him if he was okay. 

The bell rang out for the end of lunch, forcing Remus towards his Chemistry class. He settled into his seat at the back of the room, pulling out his book and staring at the equations on the board for at least three minutes before processing any of the words. 

"Are you pissed off or something?" 

Sirius flopped into the seat next to Remus, tossing a piece of gum into his mouth. 

Remus shrugged. "Why would I be pissed off?" 

Sirius gave Remus a sharp look. "You tell me. But fine if you want to do this." 

"Do what?" 

"You know," Sirius rolled his eyes. "In your head and feeling sorry for yourself." 

"I'm not." 

Sirius looked like he was going to say something else, but didn't. 

Remus ignored him for most of the lesson, because he didn't feel sorry for himself, and Sirius was one to talk. All he did was complain about his family, who, as far as Remus could see, were rich, privileged, if slightly strict. 

All the same, he felt Sirius watching him for the rest of the lesson, as if Remus was a bomb that might explode at any moment. 

He was immensely relieved when the lesson was over, and he could go and find Mary. 

\---

"We should definitely do Just Dance." 

"No."

Remus was sprawled on the floor of Mary's bedroom, while Mary sorted through a pile of DVDs and disks piled next to the T.V against one wall. The floor was covered in a thick white rug and pastel cushions and beanbags. 

"Okay, fine, Netflix then." Mary sighed a deap, dramatic sigh and leaned down to dip her nacho in the bowl of guacamole next to Remus. "We still haven't finished series three of Stranger Things, and you  _ still  _ haven't watched Mean Girls." Here Mary shot Remus a sharp look, which Remus replied to with his middle finger. 

In the end they started Pride And Prejudice again, The BBC series. Mary made comments about what a feminist Jane Austen was, just like she always did, but things were different this time; Mary was sitting a good two metres away from Remus, not leaning her head on his shoulder like usual and the conversation was too forced then it should be. 

Episode one ended and, instead of just letting the next episode start, she paused and looked directly at Remus chewing on her lip slightly. 

"So, me and Sirius-" Mary trailed off, tugging on one of her curls anxiously. 

"Yeah." 

"Do you mind?" 

Remus shook his head, he wasn't supposed to mind, he was supposed to be happy for them, all of his friends pairing up like some trashing Netflix teen drama. But he did mind. He minded a lot. 

"Well, thanks. That means a lot, we're sort of official now." Mary looked so happy and excited that it hurt Remus to feel so angry. "He's much nicer than I thought he'd be, you're lucky to have him as a friend." 

"I guess."

"So what's going on, Rem? You're mum okay?" 

Remus felt as if a cold bucket of water had been tipped over him. Because he had no idea where his mum even was right now. 

"Yeah, she's okay." 

"Is there a girl, then? Or a boy?" She raised her eyebrows at him, snapping a nacho against her teeth. 

"Why should there be? Why is that all anyone cares about?" He retorted, crushing the crisp he'd been holding in till it was just a powder. 

"Okay, okay," Mary shrugged. "Just asking." 

"Yeah, well. Guess it just sucks having real problems." 

Mary glared at him. "That's not fair. You want to remind me how many other black students there are at school? Just because I care about other people, doesn't mean I don't have a shit time." 

Remus looked down, pulling at a loose thread on the carpet. 

"Look, I didn't mean to get annoyed-" Mary reached over and shoved his arm gently. 

"You shouldn't be apologizing-" 

"Oh, I know." Mary cut him off. "But I also know comparing our problems isn't going to sort them. Confiding can." 

"You should be a therapist." 

"That's Lily's job."

Remus laughed, but his heart still wasn't in it. He pretended to get a text from his mum so he could leave early, which he knew Mary didn't buy, but she didn't push him either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be really appreciated <3


End file.
